


Answers

by shadowsamurai



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sinclair seeks some answers, but will he find any?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answers

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 1, set between Episode 16 'Eyes' and Episode 17 'Legacies'. Maybe a little OOC but I'm looking ahead to what happens in S2.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;) 

 

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

Sinclair entered the garden quietly, checking it was empty. Once satisfied he was alone, he sat down and sighed. He had hoped it wasn't going to be another one of those nights, but it seemed fate had other ideas.

Trying to gain a measure of peace, Sinclair closed his eyes, but as soon as he did, her face was there. Sighing again, this time in frustration, he opened his lids but her face was still there, haunting him. He knew he would have to talk to her eventually about what had happened and what he knew, but he feared the consequences would be dangerous.

Hearing footsteps approaching, Sinclair turned his head to the entrance. "Lieutenant Commander," he said in greeting.

"Commander," Ivanova replied. "I didn't expect anyone else to be here. Can't sleep?"

"How can you tell?" Sinclair asked, smiling.

"Because you're awake," Ivanova said with a straight-face. "May I?"

Sinclair laughed, a sound that felt good to both their ears, as he moved up the bench a little. "What about you? Trouble sleeping as well?"

Ivanova nodded, her eyes forwards. "Ever since the investigation last week," she admitted.

Sinclair looked at her profile. "Your mother?" he guessed, his voice gentle.

Ivanova nodded again. "Every time I close my eyes, Commander, she's there. Even when I'm workin, she's there. I haven't felt like this since she died."

"I understand how you must feel," Sinclair replied sincerely. "And we're off duty now, Susan. You can call me Jeff."

"That might take some getting used to, but I'll try," Ivanova said, before adding, "Jeff."

Sinclair smiled. "Good."

"So what is keeping you awake at such an ungodly hour, if I may ask?"

His smile turned weary. "The same as you. Faces and memories."

Ivanova turned and regarded him closely for a few moments. "Jeff, maybe you should just do or say whatever it is you're trying so hard not to. You know the more you try to avoid something, the harder you'll run into it eventually."

"That's a very pessimistic outlook," Sinclair said, amused.

"I am Russian. We invented pessimism," she replied.

He laughed again. "True. But it's not that simple."

"This thing. Is it important?"

"Could be life or death," Sinclair said gravely, then he sighed. "I should talk to someone. I *need* to, but that's the difficult part. I want answer for something that happened a long time ago, but if they're not the answers I'm expecting…." He broke off and shook his head.

"Does Garibaldi know about this…thing?" Ivanova asked.

Sinclair nodded, looking slightly guilty. "Susan, I…."

"No, Jeff, it's okay," she replied quickly. "I understand you and Michael had been friends for a very long time. It's only natural you would trust him with something this important."

"The fewer people know about this, the better," Sinclair told her.

"I understand," Ivanova reassured him, smiling. "But if Garibaldi knows, can't you talk to him about it?"

"How do you know it isn't him I'm debating about seeing?" Sinclair asked, amused again.

Ivanova rolled her eyes. "Please, Jeff. If it was Garibaldi, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

He laughed. "True."

"You should just go and talk to this person, Jeff," Ivanova said seriously. "You'll drive yourself insane otherwise." She lowered her voice a little and looked away. "Not to mention the rest of us."

"Thanks," Sinclair replied dryly.

"Anyway, the Minbari are notorious for not answering questions." Ivanova shook her head. "I swear that between them, the Vorlons, Londo and G'Kar, and Garibaldi of course, I'm going to need a very long vacation soon."

Sinclair looked at her, his gaze intent. "Susan, I know I shouldn't ask, but this has to stay between us. Whatever you think you know…."

"I know nothing," Ivanova stated. "I don't know anything about anything."

"Thanks," he said, smiling.

Ivanova nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me, Commander, I think I'm going to get drunk. Care to join me?"

"Maybe another time. Or later, depending on how things go."

"I'll be in the casino," Ivanova said as she left the garden.

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

Sinclair paused before pressing the chime at the door.

"Enter," a voice called.

Sinclair waited as the door opened, then walked into the room and bowed. "Ambassador. Sorry for the intrusion. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

Delenn smiled. "Of course not, Commander. For what reason do I owe the pleasure of your company at such a late hour?"

"May I?" Sinclair asked, gesturing to the couch.

"Of course." Delenn watched him as he moved across the room and sat down. "You look tired, Commander. Is everything alright?"

"Not really," he replied. "I know this is highly irregular, but just for now, can we dispense with the titles?"

Delenn frowned disapproval. "It would disrespectful for me not to use your title, Commander."

"Perhaps amongst your people, but amongst mine, use of first names implies friendship. And I could really use a friend right now, Delenn."

The Ambassador hesitated before inclining her head. "Very well…Jeffrey."

Sinclair smiled. "Jeff, please."

"Since we are setting new rules for this particular situation, would you care to remove your jacket?" Delenn asked. "I believe such a practice is common to make one feel more relaxed, and you look like a man who needs to relax, Jeff." Her tone of voice changed when she said his name, as though she was experimenting with the sound of it.

"I do."

"Perhaps a drink as well?"

"Thank you." Sinclair slipped his jacket off gratefully, unfastened the first couple of buttons on his shirt and rolled his sleeves up slightly.

"Now, Jeff," Delenn said, sitting down opposite him, "What did you wish to discuss?"

Sinclair leant forward, his elbows on his knees. "I know you won't or can't be completely honest with me for whatever reasons, but I'm going to tell you what I know. I'm aware that if I do, there's a good chance you'll have to have me killed…Satai."

Delenn stood abruptly, her face hard. "Commander Sinclair…."

"Delenn, please, hear me out," Sinclair said gentle voice. "I don't mean any disrespect, and I'm not here to judge. You should know me well enough by now to know that's true. I just want some sort of answer."

"Are you sure that is what you want?" she asked, sitting back down.

Sinclair leant back. "No," he admitted. "But an answer to just one question would be better than not knowing anything. The past few months I've gone from not caring what happened to me when I disappeared from the Battle of the Line to becoming obsessed about it. So many other people know what happened to me, and not just the Minbari. So many people have told me I have a hole in my mind." He shook his head. "If you were in my position, wouldn't you want some sort of an answer for *something*?"

Delenn regarded him before smiling. "I cannot tell you what you wish to know, but I can give you some form of an answer. The truth is often dependent on a person's perspective, and there are some truths you are not ready for."

"Not ready or ones you don't want to share?" Sinclair asked. "Are you afraid to admit your mistakes?"

"Aren't all sentient beings?" Delenn replied. "Commander…Jeff, I understand this cannot be easy for you, and as your friend, I would like to help as much as I can. But you must understand that I am bound by certain rules as well."

Sinclair nodded. "You know you didn't do me any favours when you insisted I be put in charge of Babylon 5. Only last week I had to fight off a disgruntled Colonel who was way ahead of me on the list of potentials for commander."

"I heard about the incident," Delenn said.

"Why, Delenn?" Sinclair asked wearily. "Why me?"

The Ambassador stood, walked around the table and sat next to him. "Babylon 5 is more than just a military outpost for your race. It is a meeting place for all aliens and in the years to come, it will be the most important place in the galaxy because of its neutrality. A neutrality that depends on a commanding officer who is fair and just and compassionate."

"Are you sure it wasn't because you wanted to keep an eye on me?"

"That as well," Delenn replied with a smile. "For now, that is all I can tell you. It is not the entire truth, but neither is it a lie. Now, what do you remember?"

"Being captured and tortured by your people," Sinclair said in an even voice. "Then I was taken before the Grey Council, where a member held something triangular up to me. It glowed and I was released afterwards. I remember asking why, but no one would talk to me. Then I pushed the hood back from a member." He turned his head to look at her. "It was you, Delenn."

"Do you know remember anything else?"

"Why? Is there more?" he asked, slightly amused.

Delenn smiled kindly. "No. Only the explanation of what happened."

"Which you can't give me." Sinclair leant his head back against the couch. "Can you at least tell me whether it's the truth or not?"

Delenn tilted her head on one side as she regarded him. "I can tell you that it was the truth. It was real, Jeff."

"And whatever you learnt from me during your interrogations caused you to stop the war," Sinclair stated.

"Yes. But it is a truth my people are not ready to share with forwarders," Delenn said. "The warrior caste feels it will make us weak."

"And you, Delenn. What do you feel about the situation?"

She looked away. "We cannot try to hide our mistakes forever. Sooner or later, the truth will emerge. The longer we wait to speak it, the more people will be hurt. But as with most things, it is not so simple as just saying the facts."

"You obviously played an important part in the war," Sinclair said, closing his eyes. "How important?"

Delenn was thankful he couldn't see her; she did not want him to see her crying. "Important."

Without looking, Sinclair reached out for her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"How did you know?" she asked.

Sinclair opened one eye and looked her, smiling. "It's a gift."

"It is a good gift," Delenn replied, taking his hand tentatively. "Is contact so very important to humans?"

"Very," Sinclair said, nodding.

"May I…try something?"

"Sure."

Delenn patted her knee. "Put your head here."

Sinclair looked at her in surprise, tinged with apprehension. "Why?"

"You must trust me, Jeff," Delenn said. "Since your memory is coming back, that might be difficult, but you must believe me when I say I will allow no harm to come to you now. Not even from my own people."

"I do believe you, Delenn," he replied, moving round until his head was resting in her lap, his feet hanging off the end of the couch.

"Now, Commander Sinclair, relax," she ordered.

Sighing, Sinclair forced the muscles in his shoulders to loosen up as Delenn's fingers began to gently massage his temples. Her hands moved down his cheeks in small circular motions, then went back up to his forehead. He felt her palms hovering over his hair and he wondered why she had stopped.

"May I, Jeff?"

Sinclair smiled. "Of course you can."

The touches to his head were like feathers. "Very few Minbari had facial hair of any kind."

"I've never seen one that does."

"No. It is a very rare occurrence."

"Do you know why it only happens rarely?" Sinclair asked, his words coming out slowly.

"Not yet, but I imagine we will discover the reason in time," Delenn replied. Then very quietly, she began to sing, all the time moving her hands over his temples and forehead, and running his fingers through his hair.

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

Ivanova put on her best poker face, which she had learnt from watching Sinclair, and knocked on Delenn's door. She had a good reason for not using the chime; if her assumption was correct, the noise could make the situation extremely uncomfortable.

"Enter," Delenn said in a very hushed voice and hesitantly, Ivanova stepped into the Ambassador's quarters.

A look passed between the two women; no words were needed. For a moment, Ivanova allowed her mask to slip and the concern she felt for the man in front of her shone through.

"The Commander didn't turn up for our meeting this morning at the beginning of shift," she said quietly. "After the incident with the Knights a while back, naturally I was worried."

"How did you know he would be here?" Delenn asked, her hands resting on the sleeping Sinclair's head.

"He wasn't in his quarters and last night, we had a talk before he came here. Don't worry, Ambassador, the Commander didn't tell me he was coming here," Ivanova assured her. "I worked it out."

"I trust you, Lieutenant Commander Ivanova. I know that Commander Sinclair trusts you implicitly and that is good enough for me."

"Did he find what he was looking for?"

"That I cannot answer," Delenn said.

Ivanova nodded. "Well he certainly looks peaceful. I don't think I've ever seen him so relaxed."

"Neither have I."

"Then something good came out it," Ivanova stated.

Delenn looked surprised. "Positive thinking, Lieutenant Commander? From you?"

"Please, Ambassador, keep this to yourself," Ivanova pleaded. "My reputation will be ruined if the Commander or Mr Garibaldi ever hear about it."

Delenn smiled. "As you would say, my lips are sealed." She looked down at Sinclair and then back to Ivanova. "I could not tell him the entire truth, but I told him no lies either."

"That is what matters most," Ivanova said, then paused. "He is very important to the station. Please don't destroy him."

"He is important to both of us," Delenn replied, "As well as his other friends. Rest assured, Lieutenant Commander Ivanova, he will only become what he is meant to be, and only he will know what that is."

Ivanova nodded. "I should leave. I don't really think the Commander wants me here when he wakes up. And you don't have to worry, Ambassador. As far as I am concerned, I have no idea where Commander Sinclair is, but I'm not worried. The rest of the station will see it my way as well." She inclined her head. "Ambassador." Ivanova glanced briefly at Sinclair's sleeping form before leaving.

"No, I could not harm you," Delenn repeated softly, also looking at Sinclair. Carefully, so she didn't disturb him, she moved his head to a cushion, stood and went into her bedroom. Once she had changed into some clean clothes, Delenn wrote Sinclair a note and left her quarters.

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

An hour later, as Ivanova was in the middle of yelling five different orders at half a dozen different people, Sinclair stepped onto the observation dome looking refreshed.

"Good morning, Lieutenant Commander," he said was he walked up to her.

Ivanova tried not to smile. "Good, Commander? Please tell me what is 'good' about it. *Songbird*, you are not cleared for docking yet. Please stay where you are. *Hah Chil*, you will proceed to docking bay five." She turned to look at him. "I hate that you look so cheerful in the morning."

Sinclair smiled and stood beside her. "Thank you for your discretion this morning," he said quietly, his lips hardly moving. "It's greatly appreciated."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Commander," Ivanova replied, tapping her console. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm the middle of six things at once, all frustrating, and you are in my way. Sir."

Sinclair nodded in understanding. "I think I'll check up with Mr Garibaldi."

"An excellent idea, sir. Please, take as much time as you like."

Just before Sinclair got to the doors, he turned and looked back at Ivanova, surprised to see her staring at him. A brief smile graced her lips and he winked in return. Perhaps answers weren't everything, he mused as he walked off down the corridor.

FIN


End file.
